QOTD: i fell for you painfully and hard, and i don't want to recover.

Saturday, February 27, 2010


what is Starting Over, if starting over is without you

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


to err is human.

to love is wonderful.

but to have loved
like it was forever,
immortality reigns.



Monday, February 22, 2010

i feel.. no wait, i can't feel anymore.

i would have never thought that this day would ever come.
the day i cried to Mika's Happy Ending
the whole way thru the 9 times it played.
i don't know to feel anymore
because i don't want to be without you.
and this is me, without you

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Friday, February 19, 2010

while i still do..

i still feel dizzy when the thought of you passes my mind
i still get my tummy all squirmy when i'm reminded of you
i still lose my appetite when all i can think of is you
i still tear when i think of how faraway you are from me
i still hurt here in my heart when i know i can't have you now
i still miss you most especially when i think of your gentle touch

but for all the wrong reasons
because you're done with me now

Monday, February 15, 2010

crux ansata

the warm summer wind blew strongly as Thea's black hair started to veil her face.
afraid to look into the world where beauty once surrounded her,
she hung her head low letting her tears fall to her lap.
Thea wanted to stay there forever over looking the horizon with the sand in between her toes.
her arms were now crossed in front of her because only they made her feel secure now.
tightly she held her state wanting to squeeze every last thought she had in mind;
but the devil just won't make her forget.

enough already xu, enough now


year 2006

year 2007

was going through some old photos the other day and really, did i really have a heart for all things Dutch even before i met you?
i guess...
once you go Dutch, you never go back.

year 2008

fuck, i miss you

Sunday, February 14, 2010

1.53 minute: that's what i miss and want

Remember turning on the night
And moving through the morning light
Remember how it was with you
Remember how you pulled me through

I remember (x8)

Add to the memory you keep
Remember when you fall asleep
Hold to the love that you know
You don't have to give up to let go

-as heard on Priceline radio-
how can i not think of one when music never escapes my ears...

Saturday, February 13, 2010

misty eyed

She stood at the edge of the solid cold bridge now as tears ran down her summer-filled face; or rather what was left of her youthful bronze tan after so many continuous days of nothing but sorrow. Grasping on tightly to the spiderweb-like metal twines networking the bridge, her small dainty hands started to bleed. Still, the pain in her hands did not feel as raw as how the deep cut in her heart felt. Truly nobody has ever felt real pain, unless they have fallen in love.

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

there was a time

i was looking through my post for Freedom 2008 where i came across me saying:

[[ all in all, it was a helluva good 2 days. one of the very best in my life for sure (despite the fact that i missed 3 hours of ferry) but still, i got there in one piece and came home in one piece with my ear drums pumping for the next 3 days and i fell sick: sorethroat and love sick ]]

trance gives you, the freedom of living by capturing your soul

i remember how it was picking up the courage to actually call you because i knew that you wanted to be there as well, and the best i could do was satisfy your ears despite how bad the static was with the line. from then onwards every time i trance, i trance with you in my heart.

to have accepted trance in my life with you embracing it, trance is more than just music to me and it will always be that way. at Freedom i mentioned about trance giving me the freedom of living by capturing my soul. but now i realise that i was wrong...

it was you who captured my soul.

a life without love, is a life with no hope.

i love.

i lost.

Sunday, February 07, 2010

maybe it's because I have not loved this much before, which is why it hurts so badly

is it alright to still feel this hurt?
is it alright to still find it so hard to breathe?
is it alright that i still want to feel the softness of your orange shirt upon my cheek?
is it alright if i were to ask you to hold me once more?
is it alright if i were to get you to smile at me another time?

is it alright,
that i still think of you.

Monday, February 01, 2010

along with my heart

along with my heart
you took away
those rainbow filled cloudless days

along with my heart
you took away
everything and all that i could even say

along with my heart
you took away
the place in your heart where i could once stay

your love for me was always so pure
when having you there was the only cure
filling up the emptiness and my needs
as well as to fulfill my little devilish deeds

despite the fact that you were away
you were strong for us and said "Come what may"
the laughter and joy that love could bring
never failed to leave my cheeks rose-petal pink

you sure do mean everything and all to me
as i was the happiest girl that i could ever be
especially when you took me into your arms to say
that nothing can ever change our loving way

but it was all then taken away

along with my heart
which you took away